Are you ready to Spreadsheets? Sex app for data-savvy lovers

Want to know how you perform between the sheets? There’s an app for that. Spreadsheets is a rather cheeky quantifying app that measures up your performance and grades you according to your stamina and your overall sex performance. Simply open the app before love-making, place on the bed, and watch as it tracks your movements, your noise levels and your endurance abilities… and then compares you to every other time you’ve ever had sex with the app activated.

This is the ideal app for sexy geeks. It keeps track of everything, and allows you to view your performance aggregate at any given time. When was the last time you had a shag with spreadsheets on? It tracks that. What was the longest sex you’ve ever experienced? Spreadsheets can tell you. Do you think the neighbours heard? Spreadsheets tracks that too and will let you know what your decibel peak is.

That’s not all it does. Other factors the app also monitors include:
Most thrusts in one minute (just in case you ever wanted to know)
The highest number of times you have sex in a 24-hour period (in case you lose track?)
The longest number of days in a row
The longest single session (the average is three to ten minutes, so hopefully it’s better than that)
The last time you had sex – and every other time you used spreadsheets before that (just make sure it’s with the same person if you want to keep your phone in one piece)
You can use the app on just about any soft surface like a bed, a sofa, a car seat or in your pocket if you’re keeping your trousers on.

This sex-tracking app is definitely for those who love a bit of data on the side – though be sure to tell your partner that you’re tracking your how-do-you-do before they find it on your phone and start questioning the record of romps.

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Julia Davis

Psychologist, Mental Health Expert at shopgiejo.com

Mental health expert
MS, University of Latvia

I am deeply convinced that each patient needs a unique, individual approach. Therefore, I use different psychotherapy methods in my work. During my studies, I discovered an in-depth interest in people as a whole and the belief in the inseparability of mind and body, and the importance of emotional health in physical health. In my spare time, I enjoy reading (a big fan of thrillers) and going on hikes.