As a sex blogger, it’s my job to sift through the many weird and wonderful ways that humanity’s favourite pastime is portrayed across the web. Mostly the weird actually. As you can well imagine, this turns up an abundant harvest of perversities, creepy gimmicks and sex-related scandals that leave one mildly traumatized even after the browser page is closed. So, do I have any personal favourites you ask? Why yes, yes I do, and I’m about to share some of them with you. Aren’t you lucky?
Let’s start things off innocently, or rather, with an attempt at innocence gone wrong. A student-run, pro-abstinence group known as Day of Purity decided that the best way to promote their no touching philosophy was with a teddy bear, and a creepy one at that. A quick Youtube search for “Purity bear” will reward one with a video depicting a young couple grappling with their raging hormones. Fortunately, before the would-be sinners can fulfil their lusts, the most ominous stuffed animal you will ever see floats up behind the young man and solemnly intones: “I know she’s cuddly. Look at me, I’m cuddly.” Naturally the poor boy loses his boner and devotes himself to abstinence for fear of further attacks by haunted teddies.
It’s fortunate that we have such aberrations to warn us against the perils of sex, but if that doesn’t serve to scare you off, perhaps a glance at UK baker Miss Cakehead’s latest line of confectionary will do the trick. Famous for her anatomically correct treats and more recently, the Human Meat Shop, this rather macabre cook is celebrating Halloween with a line of STD cupcakes. If you were ever in doubt as to just how gross VD can be, one look at the fondant pustules adorning these desserts is sure to curb your enthusiasm, and your appetite. To quote Miss Cakehead herself “The STD cakes have been really quite powerful in teaching people something… We’ve had people say it’s the first time they have thought about the risks of getting a disease!” Go figure.
A final, disturbing tidbit which caught my eye recently can be attributed to director Daryl Stoneage who will surely go down in history for his crucial role in bringing Donkey Love to the world. Described as “everything you don’t want it to be about”, this movie documentary takes as its subject matter the “unknown tradition of Colombians having sex and falling in love with donkeys”. No your eyes are not failing you. Yes you read that correctly. Whilst the veracity of this film remains dubious, if the official site is to be believed, it has already earned itself three prestigious awards and a slew of top spots at film festivals.
I think that’s enough disturbing the readership for now. You deserve a treat for sitting through all that. Here, have a Chlamydia cupcake.
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