If you’re the paranoid kind of lover then I have great news for you! No longer do you have to monitor your spouse for any hint of shady, extramarital activity, now you can test your every suspicion with the aid of modern science! All you need is a pair of your partner’s undergarments.
If this sounds like something out of CIA, best start believing, because DNA testing is no longer the sole province of crime scene investigations and paternity tests, it’s now open to the public as a way for all and sundry to check whether their special someone has been getting some on the side. This is all at a nominal fee of course. We’re talking two hundred dollars or so. What’s more, that sum doesn’t even give you conclusive results; it just confirms the presence of sperm or female DNA in the pair of panties you pilfered from your partner. Another two hundred bucks can is what’s needed to do a DNA comparison between any genetic material found and your own. Finding female DNA in his boxers isn’t enough of course. You’ll be wanting to know for sure that it’s not your own.
This is no black market dealing either. It’s well publicized and even approved of by many relationship counsellors, despite the arguably enormous breach of privacy that it represents. Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil for instance, contends that getting your partner’s undergarments tested isn’t something that they should resent at all. As she says, “if the partner is innocent, they have nothing to hide so they shouldn’t worry about someone taking samples from their clothing”.
In terms of justifications that’s quite the slippery slope right there. I may have nothing to hide but I don’t want my partner rifling through my every email and text message for instance. Should I submit to some paranoid wish to undergo a lie detector test perhaps? Even someone with nothing to hide is likely to feel that trust is just a bit lacking in their relationship when they discover lab reports and a pair of their boxers in an air-tight bag.
While services like this do give people dealing with major marital strife a means of undeniably confirming their suspicions, it’s not the kind of thing you want to be encouraging. At the end of the day, if you’re mistrustful enough to be getting tests like these done, then your relationship is either already on the rocks, or about to be once they find out just how paranoid you are.
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