Heartbreak Self-Therapy - Four Steps To Beating The Blues

Heartache is horrid; there’s no denying it. It’s been said that the only way to deal with it is to deal with it, but what does that even mean? After a breakup one usually just wants to crawl into a dark hole away from everything, preferably a dark hole filled with comfort food where you will hibernate until your ex (who misses you terribly of course. How could they not?) comes to tempt you out with gifts and apologies aplenty. Right. Sadly, a bit of self-therapy is usually the best way of feeling better again, and it’s probably far healthier than trying to pick up the pieces with your ex. Here’s a few ways of getting yourself over the breakup hump and back on track again.

Start by cutting off all communication. It’s by far the hardest step to take since you’ll likely have become very used to having your ex around as an emotional crutch, but staying in contact at this sensitive stage can do nothing but open the wounds afresh. Sure, you can perhaps be friends again at some point, but seeing what fun they’re having without you via their Facebook feed is just torturing yourself. Give yourself a chance to rebuild your life without them. After all, you were an awesome person before you even met them, remember?

After that give yourself a grace period for just being miserable. You can’t help how you feel right now and pretending that you’re tough enough to just not care just doesn’t work. A week or so to simply cry it out is definitely a good idea; all the more so if it’s filled with friends, soppy music and movies and a fair dose of alcohol. As much as none of us like to think of ourselves as self-pitying, your emotions will be governing you right now, so let the sighs come, and let the wine flow.

As far as self-therapy goes, there’s a reason why therapists tell us to write things down. It helps a lot to list all the reasons why your relationship fell apart, or to write an angry letter to your ex and then burn it. For one thing it puts complicated, confusing and unpleasant feelings into an orderly form which make them easier to deal with. Also, getting it down on paper is a good way to cement why things went awry. You’ll want to remember only the good times, and that will have you wanting to go back to your old flame. It’s worth remembering that there were real reasons why things didn’t work; reasons which you should remind yourself of every time you start considering a phonecall to the ex.

After you’ve written your angry lists and letters, write another list containing all the reasons why you’re awesome. Frame that one! Your ego needs boosting right now so you should do that any way you can. Start working out again, treat yourself to a spa trip or go out for a wild party and flirt shamelessly. Anything that reminds you that fun exists outside the lost relationship and that you’re fantastic enough to deserve a piece of it is good for you. As horrid as the heartbreak may be, you can deal with, and by doing the above, you will deal with it!

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Ieva Kubiliute

Psychologist and a Sex and Relationships Advisor at shopgiejo.com

Ieva Kubiliute is a psychologist and a sex and relationships advisor and a freelance writer. She's also a consultant to several health and wellness brands. While Ieva specialises in covering wellness topics ranging from fitness and nutrition, to mental wellbeing, sex and relationships and health conditions, she has written across a diverse range of lifestyle topics, including beauty and travel. Career highlights so far include: luxury spa-hopping in Spain and joining an £18k-a-year London gym. Someone’s got to do it! When she’s not typing away at her desk—or interviewing experts and case studies, Ieva winds down with yoga, a good movie and great skincare (affordable of course, there’s little she doesn’t know about budget beauty). Things that bring her endless joy: digital detoxes, oat milk lattes and long country walks (and sometimes jogs).

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