Hi, when I am in bed with my boyfriend I find penetration very painful. I think it’s just because he is very large and I am quite petite. Please help as we haven’t been able to have sex properly yet and we have been together for six months!
Hi K,
The first thing to do is have a check up at your GP or local Family Planning Clinic. They can rule out any medical cause such as endometriosis (a disorder causing tenderness to the womb and surrounding tissues) or fibroids (benign growths).
It may be that you have an underlying emotional trauma that causes you to tense up before penetration; this is sometimes called vaginismus and sufferers can be very nervous of being examined by a doctor or even using a tampon.
You needn’t be embarrassed to have an examination, doctors do intimate examinations regularly and have seen it all, particularly family planning doctors and gynaecologists. You can request that a female doctor carries out your examination if you prefer, and if you feel nervous you should tell the doctor and only proceed with a doctor that you feel comfortable with and who takes time to listen to your concerns.
Once you have ruled out any possible medical cause, it is worth looking at far simpler solutions to this problem, such as the liberal use of lube. It may be that you are not aroused enough to fully lubricate your vagina before you begin to have full sex, so make sure you include lots of foreplay in your lovemaking and then use a good lube immediately before he enters you as well.
If your partner goes down on you before penetration, stimulating your clitoris, vagina and labia with his tongue, this is likely to make you much more lubricated. It may be of help to you to have an orgasm before penetrative sex begins as this can relax you further, and this can be achieved through oral sex; manual masturbation – with his or your fingers; or play with sex toys such as a simple bullet vibrator – again performed by him, you or both of you.
You can explore and experiment to find which foreplay, role play, massage or relaxation techniques get you in the mood, and then take your time with these things to make sure that you are fully aroused before you try for penetration.
Using a position that allows you to control the depth of his thrusts will also help. It may be that the end of his penis is coming into contact with your cervix and this can be painful, especially at certain points in your cycle. It may help to go on top, close your legs around him when he’s inside and behind you or use the missionary position with your legs straight. Whatever position you choose, good communication between you during sex will help you to avoid any pain, so work on this too: if you are really communicating he should know if he is hurting you!
His penis size and your height should not be too much of a factor, as all women’s vaginas are relatively similar in length and should be able to accept most penises when properly aroused. It’s all about technique, communication and relaxation so if you work on those things you should be able to have an enjoyable and pain-free sex life into the future. Good luck!
Ksenia Sobchak enjoys blogging on fashion, style, lifestyle, love and CBD areas. Prior to becoming a blogger, Ksenia worked for a renowned fashion brand. Ksenia is a contributing author to leading fashion, lifestyle and CBD magazines and blogs. You can bump into Ksenia at her favourite cafe in South Kensington where she has written most blogs. Ksenia is a staunch advocate of CBD and its benefits to people. Ksenia is also on the panel of CBD reviewers at CBD Life Mag and Chill Hempire. Her favourite form of CBD are CBD gummies and CBD tinctures. Ksenia is a regular contributor at leading fashion, lifestyle as well as CBD magazines and blogs.
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