How do I become more intimate with my partner_2

How do I become more intimate with my partner?

In this post, I will be looking at intimacy, so if you have questions such as how to get the intimacy back in my relationship or how I get more intimacy. Then sit down, grab your favorite brew and get comfortable. I am particularly excited about today’s post because its content is around tantric sex. Tantric sex is the most intimate moment I have shared with my partner. 

What is an intimacy to you? Intimacy means sharing the depths of your soul with someone else. We feel a connection to another by feeling validated, understood, and cared for. Intimacy in relationships is spending time with each other, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, having deep conversations, nurturing each other’s inner peace, frequently touching, holding hands, back rubs, hugging, holding, kissing, cuddling, massaging, etc. 

Intimacy is a combination of four types of intimacy. An understanding of the types of intimacy is essential so you can harness the power of each. The number one question on most people’s minds is, can intimacy be restored, and the good news is yes, it can be. While intimacy can’t be forced, it can be improved if worked on. 

What are the four types of intimacy?

Connecting with someone requires four types of intimacy. The four types of intimacy are-

  • Physical intimacy-time spent-shared activities such as hugging, kissing, massage sexual touch, cuddling, and proximity.  
  • Emotional intimacy -sharing your deepest self, caring, affirming.
  • Mental intimacy-same values and interests, meaningful conversations.
  • Spiritual intimacy nurtures inner peace, respect for each other is to believe, shared purpose.

In a relationship, emotional intimacy is what we strive to build first since this leads to attachment.

Couples’ intimacy is essential for the longevity of a relationship and for building better bonds. Intimacy in relationships is the way couples stay connected through g attached and committed. There are several ways couples can make better intimacy; the one I will be looking at in this post is Tantric Sex. 

Couples can maintain intimacy in their relationship and stay connected is by indulging in tantric sex. Tantric sex provides all four types of intimacy (physical closeness, mental intimacy, spiritual intimacy, and emotional intimacy), connecting couples on a deep level and creating a powerful bond between teams because it merges the body and spirit. Tantric sex creates a sexual connection, allowing for a more profound level of sensation, and energy.

Tantric Sex or Neo Tantra

Tantra is a religious practice dating back over 5000 years used by Hindu, Buddhists, and Jain to gain full spiritual awakening. Tantra is a Sanskrit (ancient Hindu language) which means woven together. Tantra as a practice is a complex and rigorous spiritual path to achieve full spiritual awakening and enlightenment. The focus on sexual energy is only a tiny part of the practice. Contrary to what we have been lead to believe, tantras’ focus is not only on sex.

In the Western world, whenever we refer to tantra as a sexual practice, we refer to neotantra, a modern branch of the traditional tantra practice. It was developed roughly 150 years ago with the aims of creating deeper intimacy and connection to our body and emotions, connecting couples, healing trauma and blockage and opening our body to a higher state of ecstasy. Also referred to as sacred sexuality, neotantra is a sexual-driven spiritual path rooted in philosophies that emphasizes the importance of being present and the power of touch.

Tantric sex is, therefore the weaving together by connecting a couple both physically and spiritually. A strong spiritual connection is one of the best connections a couple can have. Tantric sex provides a heightened awareness of a couple’s emotional and spiritual states during lovemaking. It creates a sacred bond that intensifies intimacy to a divine level. Tantric lovers experience powerful orgasms that can last for hours in some cases. Besides the sexual pleasures enjoyed, tantric sex helps you celebrate and enjoy your partners, gain a deeper understanding of your partners, and enhance your connection.

Tantric sex is also used as a sexual technique to deny or delays orgasm to create more of a full-body experience. Orgasm is delayed to channel the sexual energy throughout the body. When engaging in tantric sex, it is essential to remain mindful of every sensation during the encounter, both when giving and receiving. Mindfulness is a crucial aspect of tantric sex. By reminding mindful, you build intense energy and stay connected with your partner. This, in turn, creates intimacy and bonding. Always keep your eyes open (except when you are using a blindfold) and observe every moment between you and your partner.

Tantric Sex Steps

Step 1: Enter your lair

Switch off from the world outside and enter your sacred space free from interruptions. An essential aspect of tantric sex is your ambiance. Create a sensual zone by surrounding yourself with love-making items that eat intimacy or enhance the mood, such as candles, incense, rose petals, soft music, pillows, cushions, massage oils, blankets, flowers, chocolate, etc. 

Step 2: Gazing into each other’s eyes

Gazing into your partner’s eyes is an intense experience that can be uncomfortable at first. Sit opposite each other in a comfortable position on a pillow or chair or lap straddle or lie down on your side facing each other. Gaze softly into both eyes, hold hands. Let the tension and the intimacy build between you. Feel the connection that is making. You can include eye-gazing as part of your tantric moment or do it with your partner a few times a month or whenever you feel the desire to. Eye gazing will help you fall in love once again, making sex a more steamy and decadent experience. Do eye gazing for 5 minutes.

Step 3: Synchronise your breath.

Becoming mindful of both you and your partner’s breath allows you to sync with each other and forge a conscious connection. Following on from the eye gazing exercise, continue sitting, lying, or straddling each other, take a deep breath together and then exhale simultaneously. Breathe together for 5 minutes, and then reverse your breathing. When you breathe in, your partner out, and vice versa. When your partner breathes out, inhale their breath deeply throughout your entire body. Your partner should do the same. Do this for 5 minutes roughly. Focus your attention on the emotions and sensations you feel during this time.

Step 4: Touch

Once you’re comfortable with these exercises, get into the lap straddle position (if you didn’t use it), and the partner on top wrap their legs around you, the partner at the bottom. Start kissing, touching, and exploring each other’s bodies, paying attention to sounds, breath, taste, scents. Touch is an art that drives up oxytocin (the feel-good and cuddle hormone); therefore, lie down treat it as such. As you glide your hands over your lover’s body, imagine the pleasure you’re giving, meditate on the act of communicating your passion and devotion at every point of contact. Move slowly and be mindful during the experience. Gaze into each other’s eyes when you’re in the position to.

These techniques are the basic tantric sex techniques, but you can add other methods, which I’ll tell you about now as you get comfortable.

Other Tantric Sex Techniques

When you and your partner have become au fait with the basic tantric sex techniques, these are other exercises you can add to the experience to enhance the encounter with your partner. To prolong the pleasure of lovemaking, meditate on the breath at any time during the meeting. Rebalance if needed by reflecting on your breathing and the sensations throughout your body.

Use your mouth

Use kissing to practice giving and receiving. As the giver, take the time to explore your partner’s body by providing pleasure using your mouth. As the receiver, allow your partner to take their time kissing and exploring. Remain mindful of the sensations you feel as your partner moves to different parts of your body.

Tantric massage

Tantric massage involves massaging and stimulating the whole body, focusing on the breast, penis, and vulva. Also known as erotic massage, it incorporates breathwork, meditation, and mindfulness. Massage is an essential part of tantric sex. The forms of tantric massage are yoni massage (vulva), lingam massage (penis), and nipple play. Tantric massage is used to embrace pleasure, connect spiritually and release blocked energy. Tantric massage is about touching the genital, but this is not done to give an orgasm. You can use massage oil, essential oils, edible massage creams, lotions, or powder. 

Yoni Massage

Yoni massage is a sexual tantra practice where the vagina is massaged. Yoni in Sanskrit means an ‘a sacred space.’ It is a great technique to help you explore your partner sensually to help her achieve orgasm for the first time, multiple orgasms, and heal sexual traumas.

With massage oil in hand, start by placing a pillow under her hips, knees up, feet flat.

Next is bliss breathing. This is where you constrict the back of your throat while you inhale. Again, you should hear a whistling sound. Now exhale and release the sound.

Continue taking these audible breathes as it keeps internal chatter away.

The tantric breast massage is a great warm-up to build arousal before proceeding to the clit massage. Squirt some oil on the tummy and gently rub in a circular motion. Work your hands down to the lower tummy, then back up between the tits. Gently caress her tits without touching the nipples. Do this for a few minutes, then move on to the nipples alternating between making light circular motions around the tip, pinching (if it feels good), tender kissing using your tongue around the tip of the nipples, and light suck.

Once the body has warmed up, you can move on to the yoni massage.

Yoni Steps

Step 1- Stimulate the external tip of the clit

Use a circular motion alternating between large and small circles, applying light and heavy pressure.

Step 2- Run your fingers along the side of the clit shaft using a push and pull motion. Bear in mind that some people are more sensitive than others, so communicate or observe your partner’s reaction to ensure you’re not applying too much pressure, leading to discomfort.

Step 3- Gently pinch the clitoris and tug it back and forth. Vary the stroke as you move your fingers from the clit to the lips. Next, hold the clit and roll it between the thumb and index finger.

Step 4- Tap the clip using a finger or two. Vary the rhythm and observe how she reacts to see which one is doing the trick.

Step 5- Locate the g-spot by forming a C using your thumb and index finger. Next, roughly one or two inches in at the top of the vagina canal, feel for a slightly ridged area at the top of the vaginal channel. Massage it by curving your finger using a come here motion; vary the stroke between fast then slow, paying attention to how her body reacts. You can also tickle the tip of the clip at the same time. The yoni massage may also be enjoyed as part of your mindful masturbation routine.

Lingam Massage

The Lingam massage is used to massage the penis. It goes beyond massaging and stroking the penis but instead incorporates more advanced techniques that include the testicles, perineum, and prostate. It is used to achieve pleasure that will become waves of multiple orgasms. Lingam is the Sanskrit word for penis, which translates to ‘wand of light.’

Step 1- Get comfortable and relax. Let him lie on his back, legs apart and knees bent. Place a pillow under his hips and remind him to breathe deeply to remain relaxed and in the moment. You can use a blindfold or open-mouth hood as this can heighten the sensation.

Step 2- Drip oil of the thigh, then start by sliding your hands up his thigh, pubic bone, then perineum (area between the anus and genitals)

Step 3- Slowly and gently massage the testicles, then fondle them. You can also lick and suck gently.

Step 4- Massage the shaft, varying your grip, stroke sequences, and twisting motions—the interchange between using one hand then both doing varying motions between fast and slow. Now change between using the right hand then left.

Step 5- Don’t allow him to climax; instead, keep him at the edge of orgasm. Keep alternating the pressure, speed, rhythm, and methods.

Step 6- To stimulate the prostate externally, look for an indentation between the size of a pea and a walnut midway between the testicles and the anus. Push gently inward. Be gentle and go slowly and let your partner guide you regarding pressure and sensation. Once you’ve located it, massage it by using a circular motion. You can also stimulate his sacred spot or prostate internally by inserting your fingers inserted into a finger cot or a prostate sex toy into the anus. Ensure that you have lube to hand. Discuss this beforehand and figure out what works for both of you. The prostate is about 2 to 3 inches inside the anus. Once your finger is in about 2 to 3 inches, you can gently caress it by moving your finger from side to side, up and down, or by using a come here motion. Talk to your partner to see what’s working best and remind him to take deep breathes.

Step 7- You can end by allowing him to climax or move on to intercourse.

Tantric Nipple Play

Studies show that sensation from the nipples travels to the same part of the brain as sensations from the vagina, clitoris, and cervix. An MRI scan research conducted by Professor Komisaruk from Rutgers University found that when a women’s nipples are stimulated, the cortex and genital areas are activated. This shows a direct link between the nipples and the genitals, which explains why some women can orgasm through nipple stimulation alone. Nipple stimulation should be an important part of lovemaking. Try this nipples stimulation technique as part of mindful masturbation or with a partner.

Step 1- Set the scene with incense, soft music, and candles. Get comfortable, lie on your back and relax.

Step 2- If doing it by yourself, remember to focus on your breath by taking long, deep breaths throughout the experience. If you’re doing it with a partner, remind them to focus on their breathe and take long deep breaths throughout the encounter.

Step 3- Be utterly mindful, focusing not on your body or insecurities but entirely on the sensations of the moment. Stop internal chatter by taking deep breathes when they appear.

Step 4- Make a trail of oil drips from the navel straight up to between the breast. Make a small circular motion on the tummy, then slowly move your hands up to the rib then between the breast. Alternate between a feather-like touch with your fingertips and a medium-light contact to caressing between the breasts.

Step 5- Circle the breasts using a feather-like touch, then massage and squeezing them gently.

Step 6- Next, move to the nipples using tracing, pinching, and rolling motions. A little-known fact is that pinching releases oxytocin. Pinch from the base of the nipple to stimulate oxytocin. Pinching mimics breastfeeding and should be done firmly. Although it may feel painful initially it this will be followed by a rush of pleasure. Vary pinching from lighter to more substantial pressure.

Step 7 – Use your hands to caress your body, and keep focusing on your breathing to stay in the moment. 

Tantric kissing

The steps provided below are for yin-yang tantric kissing. I will mention the other tantric kissing techniques on a need-to-know basis but will not delve into them with further details. Other tantric kissing techniques are eyebrow kissing, orgasmic kissing, affirmation kissing, teeth kissing, thermal kissing, chocolate kisses, zonal kissing, tongue sucking, hum kissing, tongue tracing, nuzzling, and synchronized kissing.

Step 1- Relax all your facial muscles to make your mouth open and welcoming. Next, close your eyes, inhale deeply, then exhale.

Step 2-Kiss your partner’s upper lip (Yang). Use both your lips to embrace their upper lip, suck gently.

Step 3-Next, move on to your partner’s lower lip (Yin). Explore the softness of your lover’s lips and enjoy the sensation.

Step 4-Finally, kiss your partner’s lips together, paying attention to their building excitement.

Tantric Sex Positions

Several tantric sex positions heighten both giving and receiving of pleasure. These positions are designed to enhance enjoyment and deepen the connection between lovers. We will look at three of the most influential positions for tantric sex.

The Merger or Yab-Yum Position

This position is perfect for the slow building of sexual energy. One partner sits on the floor or bed, legs stretched out, and leans back on his hands. The second partner then sits on the first partner’s lap and lean back on their hands or sit on a pillow and place legs over your partner’s legs. The base partner should place their arm on your partner’s waist while the partner on top wraps their arm around the shoulder. Synchronize your breathing, then move in a circular motion, sliding in and out while trying to find your rhythm and activate your sexual energy together. This position is designed for slow and controlled penetration while ensuring lots of room for stroking and caressing.

The Delight

Another position that allows for slow exploration is called delight. This position gives the guy control of both penetration and movement. It also provides for a great deal of mindful touching. To do this position, the woman sits on a chair or at the edge of the bed then the male kneels in of her. She then wraps her legs around his waist so that he can penetrate her fully.


Another excellent position for tantric sex is scissoring. The woman lies comfortably on her back next to her partner, who lies on his side facing her. His arm lifts one leg, and the other slipped between his legs. Another position that allows for deep connection and frequent touching.

Talk about sex, including taboos.

Start a session with a conversation about taboos. Have an open conversation with your lover to explore inhibitions as this releases negative energy and creates a sacred bond. Take turns talking about sexual taboos, exploring ideas, attitudes and even passions. Listen intently in a non-judgemental way. Create a sacred space where your partner can be their true self by allowing them to be open and free with you.


As foreplay, either your partner can opt to dance to sensual music, or you can play a card game and remove items of clothing bit by bit. An exciting way to build up to love-making.


Blindfold your partner as you kiss their body, making your way from their lips to their toe. Use your tongue and lips to both kisses and lick as you make your way down their body.


Dance with your partner to sexual music. Move together, paying attention to each other’s body rhythm; move your hips, grind on each other, touch, and gaze into each other’s eyes. You can also treat your partner to dance while he or she sit and watch.

Benefits of tantric sex

· Deepens intimacy and connection

·  Releasing blocked sexual energy and discomfort

·   Heal from sexual trauma

·   Awakens your sexual energy allowing it to flow freely throughout within your body

·    Allows you to reach a heightened state of desire and pleasure

·      Achieve powerful orgasms; multiple and entire bodies

·     Complete body, mind and spirit connection for you and your partner


My name is Jhon, a former teacher who has found my calling as a dating and relationship consultant to help individuals and couples find the love they deserve. My experimental journey to mastery as a dating and relationship consultant started four years ago following this path due to my background in psychology. Within this time, I’ve helped numerous individuals and couples successfully navigate dating; to build better relationships by assisting them in understandinging themselves and their needs. I am also Jhon an author, I publish regular articles via revue and medium, creates online course, course material for training centres and couples workshop material.  


Barbara is a freelance writer and a sex and relationships adviser at Dimepiece LA and Peaches and Screams. Barbara is involved in various educational initiatives aimed at making sex advice more accessible to everyone and breaking stigmas around sex across various cultural communities. In her spare time, Barbara enjoys trawling through vintage markets in Brick Lane, exploring new places, painting and reading.

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