How Do I Cum From Vaginal Sex?

I have a problem which is that I only ever really orgasm from playing with my clitoris, whether it is during masturbation or oral sex from my partner. I would like to be able to cum from vaginal penetration. Please could you give me some tips?

Hi H,

The first thing to say is that many women share your experience. It is estimated that around 70% of women do not achieve orgasm through vaginal penetration, so you are very much not alone! Of the up to 30% who do, it is not known how much foreplay or clitoral stimulation they may incorporate during penetration to achieve this.

The common presumption that penetrative sex is ‘proper sex’ can be very, very unhelpful for women and often occurs a result of patriarchal ideas or unrealistic expectations. Many women find that what is commonly called ‘foreplay’ is the most exciting, orgasmic sex they have and is therefore vital for their sexual satisfaction.

If you would like to work on achieving orgasm through penetration, there are a few things you can try, but don’t get too fixated on any particular event or technique working for you in bed: the most important thing is that you relax and enjoy your love life.

Firstly, make sure that you have lots of foreplay before attempting to orgasm through penetration. It can be helpful to switch quickly from a foreplay technique such as masturbation or oral sex to penetrative sex, but when you first experiment with this, wait until you are just about to cum before you change to penetration. If your orgasm does not arrive, go back to the foreplay and try again.

Externally stimulating the clitoris during penetration can help you to reach orgasm if you are close enough before you start penetrating with the penis. You can use your fingers, your partner’s fingers or a sex toy. Don’t forget that the G-spot is part of the mechanism of the clitoris, so indirect clitoral stimulation may be occurring internally. Experimenting with sexual positions that increase pressure on sensitive spots either internally or externally may also help.

The ‘We Vibe’ is a great tool that can help you to reach orgasm during penetration. Called the ‘couples’ vibrator’, the ‘We Vibe’ is u-shaped with two vibrating pads: one that stimulates the clitoris and another that stimulates the G-spot. The ‘We Vibe’ fits the shape of your body perfectly so that you can be penetrated with a penis and stimulated at the same time. The ‘We Vibe’ even vibrates against the man’s penis so that he enjoys the sensation as well!

Experimenting in bed should be fun, so don’t get bogged down in whether you are doing it ‘properly’ or not. What feels good and is fun for you and your partner is what’s right for you.

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Anastasia Filipenko

Psychologist, Freelance writer and Commercial Adviser at shopgiejo.com

Anastasia Filipenko is a health and wellness psychologist, dermatolist and a freelance writer. She frequently covers beauty and skincare, food trends and nutrition, health and fitness and relationships. When she's not trying out new skincare products, you'll find her taking a cycling class, doing yoga, reading in the park, or trying a new recipe.

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