How Do I know if She's Aroused?

How Do I know if She’s Aroused?

Dear Martina,

My girlfriend has admitted that she has faked orgasms in the past. We’ve talked about it and I really want to be able to bring her to climax using my tongue or my hands. She can’t come through sex alone. The thing is now she’s faked it I’m worried she’ll do it again. I’m not exactly an expert at giving clitoral orgasms and I really want to be able to know when I’m doing it right. Is there anything I can look for that will show me I’m heading in the right direction?

Dear Faker Flicker

Due to women faking orgasms in porn – the one medium where men can actually look for a length of time at a vagina in all its glory, many men are actually a little clueless about the clitoris. Not about how to stimulate it, as with great communication (and these tips) that can be learned, but how it changes with arousal. You will notice when you start that the clitoris is hardly noticeable, usually hidden under the hood. However as you gently stimulate it, it grows as blood rushes to the surface making it not only bigger but harder too. Think of it as the female erection. This is why long flat licks work great at the beginning during oral but little flicks work best at the end.

You can also ask your girlfriend to let you know with sounds if you are hitting the right spots. The main thing is to let her relax, don’t rush, take your time and explore. She’ll love you for it and when you do get to the orgasm, you’ll notice the difference from her fake ones straight away.

Barbara Santini

Barbara is a freelance writer and a sex and relationships adviser at Dimepiece LA and Peaches and Screams. Barbara is involved in various educational initiatives aimed at making sex advice more accessible to everyone and breaking stigmas around sex across various cultural communities. In her spare time, Barbara enjoys trawling through vintage markets in Brick Lane, exploring new places, painting and reading.

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