Before considering a separation, I always advise my clients to find answers to the following questions;

What did you value in the relationship?

Think about your earlier happy moments, and the things you will miss afterwards. You can inform them of what has made you choose to leave, perhaps because of what changed in the relationship. Let them understand that it will not add value staying because there is no longer love. The timing does not matter, as long as you are not happy, leaving the relationship even before Christmas serves better for both parties.

Do you remember what made you fall in love?

Review all the memories in the past, whether good or bad, and see if you can pick any remnants that may be revived. In case there is any, determine if it is worth staying.

What to do

Are you still choosing to leave and the holiday season is here? Staying can be tricky because it will always be linked to Christmas, especially when things completely fail to workout. It is best to develop a plan that helps keep your word. I recommend finding a strong support system that can offer a place or host you during the holidays.

Ieva Kubiliute

Ieva Kubiliute is a psychologist and a sex and relationships advisor and a freelance writer. She's also a consultant to several health and wellness brands. While Ieva specialises in covering wellness topics ranging from fitness and nutrition, to mental wellbeing, sex and relationships and health conditions, she has written across a diverse range of lifestyle topics, including beauty and travel. Career highlights so far include: luxury spa-hopping in Spain and joining an £18k-a-year London gym. Someone’s got to do it! When she’s not typing away at her desk—or interviewing experts and case studies, Ieva winds down with yoga, a good movie and great skincare (affordable of course, there’s little she doesn’t know about budget beauty). Things that bring her endless joy: digital detoxes, oat milk lattes and long country walks (and sometimes jogs).

Barbara is a freelance writer and a sex and relationships adviser at Dimepiece LA and Peaches and Screams. Barbara is involved in various educational initiatives aimed at making sex advice more accessible to everyone and breaking stigmas around sex across various cultural communities. In her spare time, Barbara enjoys trawling through vintage markets in Brick Lane, exploring new places, painting and reading.

Mental health expert
MS, University of Latvia

I am deeply convinced that each patient needs a unique, individual approach. Therefore, I use different psychotherapy methods in my work. During my studies, I discovered an in-depth interest in people as a whole and the belief in the inseparability of mind and body, and the importance of emotional health in physical health. In my spare time, I enjoy reading (a big fan of thrillers) and going on hikes.

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