Should You Tell Your Partner That You Masturbate

Should You Tell Your Partner That You Masturbate?

Communication within a relationship is the key to a happy a thriving partnership. The more you discuss your thoughts, feelings and desires with your partner the stronger your bond will become. This includes talking about masturbation. Masturbation is completely natural and it is very common for all genders.

What Are Some Reasons Why Someone Would Debate Telling Their Partner That They Masturbate? (E.G. Sexual Shame, Fear of Conflict, Etc. Bullet List Is Fine)

People often feel:

  • Embarrassed
  • Nervous
  • Shame
  • Fear of being judged

What Are 5+ Potential Benefits Of Telling Your Partner That You Masturbate? (E.G. Promote Honesty, A Good Opportunity to Discuss Interests/Habits, Etc.)

  1. By telling your partner that you masturbate you can then go on to tell them exactly what you like and don’t like. This can lead to a more fulfilling partnered sex life.
  2. It will turn them on. Thinking about your partner pleasuring themselves can be a big turn on for a lot of people.
  3. It potentially opens up a discussion about desires and fantasies which is another area that couples struggle to talk about. This can lead to trying new things.
  4. Being open and honest with your partner is the best way forward in any relationship and talking about masturbation is no different.

How Can Someone Figure Out Their Sex Life Vs. Privacy Boundary with Their Partner?

Decide what you feel comfortable discussing with your partner and what you don’t. You don’t have to tell them everything. You can start by telling them one thing and see how they react and then take it from there.

If someone decides to tell their partner that they masturbate, can you please share 3+ actionable tips and/or conversation prompts to help them initiate that conversation?

The best way to broach the subject is to ask them if they masturbate and see how they react. If they instantly say no they’re probably lying but just feel uncomfortable talking about it. If that’s the case you could respond by saying I do and see how they react to that. That way you have opened up the conversation and given them the opportunity to ask more questions. If they completely shut down or change the subject don’t push the matter. Change the subject and try again another time. It’s likely that they will be thinking about it afterwards which leads to curiosity. Curiosity will get the better of them and they may ask you more questions another time.

What Are 4+ Potential Benefits Of Masturbating In A Relationship? (Bullet Point List)

  1. When you masturbate you get to know your own body and what you like and don’t like. You can then relay that information to your partner for better partnered sex. If you don’t know what you like and don’t like how can you expect your partner too.
  2. It’s good for you! When we masturbate, we release the feel-good hormones including oxytocin and dopamine.
  3. Reduces stress and anxiety. Masturbation can help to reduce our stress and anxiety levels as when we orgasm, we release the feel-good hormones which help to relax our body and mind.
  4. Masturbation can help to strengthen your muscles in your pelvic region. This can lead to better partnered sex as the area is tighter and stronger making sex more enjoyable.
  5. You shouldn’t rely on your partner to satisfy all of your sexual needs and desires. That puts a lot of pressure on them to please you and that’s not fair. By pleasing yourself as well as them you’ll be more satisfied in general.

What Are Some Signs That Your Masturbation Habits Might Be an Issue? (E.G. Hiding, Lying, Having A Hard Time Managing Your Tendencies)

If you spend more time masturbating then you do have sex with your partner that can become an issue. If you are masturbating alongside having sex with your partner that is fine. There is no hard rule for how much a person should masturbate as everyone is different. You may also go through phases where you want to masturbate a lot and then not so much. That is all perfectly normal. If your start to become obsessive over masturbation that can be a sign of a bigger issue. Especially if you find yourself masturbating every time you get angry or stressed. Although masturbation can be a great stress reliever it shouldn’t always be your main solution for stressful situations.

Charlotte Cremers
Latest posts by Charlotte Cremers (see all)

MS, University of Tartu
Sleep specialist

Using the acquired academic and professional experience, I advise patients with various complaints about mental health - depressed mood, nervousness, lack of energy and interest, sleep disorders, panic attacks, obsessive thoughts and anxieties, difficulty concentrating, and stress. In my free time, I love to paint and go on long walks on the beach. One of my latest obsessions is sudoku – a wonderful activity to calm an unease mind.

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