There is a huge gap in orgasms between women and men. Most men claim to experience orgasm close to 98% when sexually involved with someone, while most women claim they have to set some time after their sex sessions to finish off. This Contention causes an orgasm gap, but how can this gap be bridged? Here are highlights to fill this gap and address the notion of orgasm.

What Causes The Orgasm Gap?

Some Men Think That Orgasm Should Be Centered On Them

Both genders believe that sex focuses on the man’s pleasure and that the session should be wrapped up when the man ejaculates. This analogy shows how the woman’s pleasure is taken for granted. Some men also believe that women can have as much fun as men during sex, but when it comes to orgasm, they should put the man’s needs before theirs. Sex does not have to end with both parties climaxing, but most couples had reported a feeling of satisfaction when the session ended.

This belief does not have women’s needs. Women should put themselves first when it comes to seeking pleasure. It should also be a collective responsibility to emphasize the importance of sexual satisfaction for women as an individual and in society. Buerkle (2009) stated that society should emphasize the clitoris and how it serves as the pivot of the female orgasm. The more people know the purpose of the clitoris and its advantages, the more women will strive to focus on their satisfaction.

The Lack Of Knowledge On How To Reach Orgasm

According to Hensel et al. (2021), Studies show that about 70% of women orgasm from vaginal stimulation and penile penetration. Thanks to the ever-evolving knowledge of women’s reproductive health. Clitoral stimulation maximizes pleasure, allowing the woman to experience an effortless and mind-blowing orgasm to heights she cannot achieve from penetration. You can incorporate vibrators and other sex toys for clitoral stimulation, which most people do not know about. The lack of knowledge about how to propel a woman to the O world is mirrored by the low percentage of women who masturbate. 

Women should lead the path to seek what satisfies them the most. Whether oral sex or penetration sex, understand your body intimately and know what works for you and what does not. Purchase sex toys that focus on what you feel will help you reach orgasm quickly. Read blogs and websites that focus on self-pleasure to give yourself a rough idea of where to start. You can also watch porn, especially ethical porn, where women are treated with respect and as an equal to the man. You and your partner can set aside time where you both try to figure out what works for you in terms of sex toys and sex positions.   

Women Lack Sexual Confidence

Vance (1984) noted that most women know how to please themselves sexually, but they are afraid to own their sexuality. They do not feel confident enough to let their partners know. Lack of sexual openness leaves women unsatisfied after a steamy session. They know what feels good to them, but they choose not to speak out due to the fear that their partner will view them differently. Society and the media are to blame for this, with most films and blogs spreading the gospel of being reserved. According to Almazan & Bain (2015). Society slut shames women who are aggressive in bed, terming them as a disgrace to womanhood. People harbor this thought, so women will keep complaining that they lead ugly sex lives at the end of the day.

Women need to break away from these norms. They should start taking the wheel and steer it to whichever direction feels great. Ask for clitoral stimulation if you like it. Talk to your partner and tell them that doggy style is not your cup of tea and that you prefer missionary instead. Speak boldly and ditch the timidness that society expects from women. Explore your body, and sometimes when alone or with a partner, touch yourself and let the sensations take over your body, and if speaking up about what you want will fracture your man’s ego, so be it.

Having Sex With Amateurs

Most women lack the knowledge of how to please themselves. Therefore, it is safe to say that men are at the far end of this knowledge scale. However, we cannot blame men because society expects them to put their pleasure first, and for most men, that is how their sex lives operate. Some women fake orgasms during sex to please the man’s ego. It is a daunting experience for women because they are locked in passionless marriages.

Amateur partners are everywhere but what makes a difference is if they are willing to learn. Men should embrace porn and have nights when you and your partner dedicate their time to watching these erotic films. Do not take it to heart if your partner gives you negative feedback about your persona in bed. Sit down and ask them how you can do better next time. Try as much as you can to have an open and willing mind. You can also make a personal effort to know what feels good to your partner, explore their body and see where they experience the most sensation.

The Bottom Line

The road to orgasm should be a personal journey. However, most women put their partner’s desires before theirs, which leads to the widening gap between male and female orgasms. Men are also to blame for the orgasm gap because they focus so much on what feels good to them, forgetting that during sex, it takes two to tango. Based on what society expects from women, most end up ditching self-pleasure to avoid being overzealous in bed. It may take a long for society to accept that women’s pleasure is equal to men’s, but till then, and as stated in the article above, women should take the front seat and steer their pleasure in whichever direction they desire. Speak about what entices you.


Almazan, V. A., & Bain, S. F. (2015). College Students’ Perceptions Of Slut-Shaming Discourse On Campus. Research In Higher Education Journal28.

Buerkle, C. W. (2009). From Women’s Liberation To Their Obligation: The Tensions Between Sexuality And Mat

Hensel, D. J., Von Hippel, C. D., Lapage, C. C., & Perkins, R. H. (2021). Women’s Techniques For Making Vaginal Penetration More Pleasurable: Results From A Nationally Representative Study Of Adult Women In The United States. Plus One16(4), E0249242. Eternity In Early Birth Control Rhetoric. Women And Language31(1), 27-34.

Vance, C. S. (1984). Pleasure And Danger: Toward A Politics Of Sexuality. Pleasure And Danger: Exploring Female Sexuality1(3).

Kristina Shafarenko

Kristina Shafarenko is a relationship and health and wellness psychologist and a part-time freelance lifestyle writer covering health and fitness, sex, sexual wellness, and relationships. When she's not writing, you can find her planning her next getaway, taste-testing every coffee spot in sight, and lounging at home with her cat, Buddy.

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