Three Things He Doesn't Want To Tell You

It’s never easy for a man to tell his wife or girlfriend what she does that annoys him, or turns him off. Guys tend to fear that criticism will kill a relationship or lodge in their lady’s mind and inspire all kinds of craziness. Most women will admit that when it comes to negative feedback, suck words tend to be remembered for a long time indeed. For the sake of happy, healthy and of course, sexy relationships, communication is necessary. Here are three things he doesn’t want to tell you, but should.

We don’t know what you want us to say or do if you don’t tell us.

Men frequently complain that women speak another language, full of hidden imperatives. Failure to correctly interpret these implicit instructions means we’re in the dogbox. Instead of telling us “sure, you can go out with the guys” when you mean “I’d far prefer it if you stayed home”, just be up-front about it. Sure, as lovers gradually grow to know each other better, these signals get easier to pick up, but especially for newer affairs, it makes things infinitely easier if we know what we can do to please you. We’re not mind readers, but we do want to make you happy!

We don’t care if your butt looks big in those jeans, so stop asking us.
A woman who relentlessly complains about her flaws, putting herself down over shortcomings both real and imagined can be exhausting. Women often feel that they have to be constantly striving for perfection to stay loved and desired, but many men find it difficult to get enthusiastic about a woman who’s overly self-conscious. Here’s the truth: your man wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t like your body and who you are. His sticking around is proof of his adoration and your being persistently self-deprecating doesn’t do you any favours.

It’s all about ‘give and take’ in the bedroom.

Unless you’re deliberately exploring the notion of submissives and dominants in the bedroom, you’ve really got to put a bit of effort into your love-making and embrace a bit of “give and take”. “Dead” lovers, or women who simply lie there during sex, are boring. Men enjoy the thrill of conquest as much as women love the chase, and your man deserves a little more than an unresponsive squeeze when it comes to bedroom antics. On the complete flip side of the scale, some women are veritable traffic cops in the bedroom, directing their lover’s every move from how fast he’s undressing her to when he should run his hands through her hair. Ladies, you can’t force every intimate moment to be a replica of your favourite fantasy. The passion has to swell and flow naturally, or your man may simply end up feeling awkward and inadequate.

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Ieva Kubiliute

Psychologist and a Sex and Relationships Advisor at shopgiejo.com

Ieva Kubiliute is a psychologist and a sex and relationships advisor and a freelance writer. She's also a consultant to several health and wellness brands. While Ieva specialises in covering wellness topics ranging from fitness and nutrition, to mental wellbeing, sex and relationships and health conditions, she has written across a diverse range of lifestyle topics, including beauty and travel. Career highlights so far include: luxury spa-hopping in Spain and joining an £18k-a-year London gym. Someone’s got to do it! When she’s not typing away at her desk—or interviewing experts and case studies, Ieva winds down with yoga, a good movie and great skincare (affordable of course, there’s little she doesn’t know about budget beauty). Things that bring her endless joy: digital detoxes, oat milk lattes and long country walks (and sometimes jogs).

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