What Not To Do In Bed
What Not To Do In Bed

What Not To Do In Bed

A blogger I follow recently quipped: ‘Sex is like pizza; even if it’s bad it’s still pretty good.” I agree to a point. We’re all animals baby, and when those natural chemicals kick in we’re all capable of doing it like they do on the Discovery channel. That being said, not getting as much of your favourite pizza topping as you expected is bad, and you probably shouldn’t eat there again. The same thing goes for sex. So before the pizza analogy gets too sordid, let’s get back to what’s important: things that you shouldn’t be doing in bed.

First off, don’t starfish. What’s that you say? That’s where you just lie back and let all the action happen to you. You behave like a starfish. Ladies tend to be the main culprits when it comes to starfishing, and I can guarantee that acting bored or completely passive is a sure fire way to turn your man right off. Frisky fun requires reciprocity, so get active!

Okay, so you’re not completely passive; you want to please your lover to the max and make sure your every move is working you both to the big O. That’s great, just make sure you’re not the kind of lover who asks too many questions. Excessive amounts of ‘does that feel good?” and ‘is this ok?” can really kill the mood. A lot of guys tend to do this, and whilst we appreciate the concern, if we’re moaning in ecstasy, don’t interrogate us. It’s pretty obvious we’re enjoying whatever you’re doing.

And the same goes for debilitating shyness. We’re talking about people who are afraid to let a moan escape their lips or make eye contact mid coitus, or who insist on doing it in total darkness or with every bit of skin hidden beneath the covers. Look, I get it. You’re revealing your most intimate self to another and that can be pretty scary, but the fact is, if they’re bedding you they certainly think you’re worth looking at, and they want to hear you too! Being excessively shy is a turn off and can make your lover think they’re doing something wrong. So don’t be afraid to get a bit freaky. A pizza with nothing but cheese is boring after all.

Okay so we’re back to the pizza analogy. Well then, just as you wouldn’t tell your waiter that the joint down the road makes infinitely superior cuisine, you shouldn’t compare your partner to past lovers. This might seem obvious but you’d be surprised how many people will come out with lines like ‘my ex used to do this amazing thing with their tongue””.Whilst your current lover might be willing to give your favourite move a whirl, they’ll know from the outset that you’re judging them against your ex, and that’s not cool. Even if the joint down the road does make better Hawaiians, the chicken chilli at your current location could be mind-blowing.

This is rapidly degenerating into a food column so I’ll cut it short. Don’t be content with sex that’s simply okay. Having amazing sex means being active, intuitive and willing to get lost in the moment. Do all that, and you can’t go wrong!

Tatyana Dyachenko
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For the past years, Tatyana has worked as a sex blogger and a relationship advisor. She has been featured in magazines such as Cosmopolitan, Teen Vogue. Vice, Tatler, Vanity Fair, and many others. Since 2016, Tatyana has focused on sexology, attended various training courses, participated in international conferences and congresses. “I wish people would address sexual issues in a timely manner! Forget shyness, prejudice and feel free to see a sex doctor for help or advice!” Tanya enjoys pursuing her flare for creativity through modelling, graffiti art, astronomy, and technology.

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