what no one tells you about long-term relationships that you need to know”; “signs you’re spending too much time together”.
Feel free to word vomit at me, as I’m sure you’ll have varied and helpful things to say! I’m looking for anything and everything on these topics tying in the psychology and science of relationships and dating.
What it really boils down to is that all humans are constantly looking for connection and validation and text messages provide an instant form of that. We forget that we hold the power within us and search for outside validation in the form of a mate.
Our minds are incredibly powerful and we regularly let our thoughts over run us. The problem is our brains do not know the difference between a thought and reality. So when we start obsessing over a person not texting back fast enough we start to imagine all these made up scenarios in our head. Our brain then begins to think those thoughts are real. This is called suspense anxiety.
As humans we like to be in control and waiting for a person to text us back is out fop our control, we cannot micromanage that and that makes us feel anxious. All of these thoughts come from the ego and once we learn to manage the ego we can start to make positive changes in our life. Your ego will make the situation all about you.
You’ll find yourself saying things like ”They haven’t text me back because they think I’m not good enough for them,” or ”They haven;t text me back because my hips are too wide, nose is too big etc”.
The truth is that the reason they haven’t text you back is probably nothing to do with you. They may just be one of those people that is slow to text back. They may have read your text whilst they were in the middle of doing something and have now forgotten. They may be really busy with work and intend to text you back later when they have more free time. Their world doesn’t revolve around you and yet we make it so in our heads because of ego.
In order to overcome this scenario we need to remove ego from the equation. Step away from your phone and concentrate on something else. Preferably something that makes you feel good. We need to learn to work on ourselves more rather than searching for someone else to make us whole.
Find new things you love doing and make time to do them. Practise self care regularly and work on becoming the best version of you that you can be. After that you’ll find that a partner will slip into place without any of the anxiety on your part as you already know your worth. Learn to love yourself first because how can you expect anyone else to if you don’t.
One of the main reason that things start to go wrong in a long term relationship is that one or both of the partners start to expect too much from each other. They start to forget that they don’t need another person to make them whole and start to rely on their partner to make them happy. This puts too much pressure on the relationship as no-one can fulfil that role for you. It’s something that you have to do yourself. If you find yourself slipping into he pattern take a step back and reassess. When you’re deep in a relationship it can be hard to see through it.
Make time for yourself again, start doing the things you love to do again and build yourself back up. It’s important to encourage your partner to do the same as well. Stop looking to each other for validation and remember that you hold that power within you.
A classic sign that you’re spending too much time together and relying on each other too much is when you find yourself getting irritable over the little things. You may start snapping at each other other silly things and start to try to control what they’re doing. This is very unhealthy and definitely a sign you need to take a step back.
Start making time for yourself. Then make plans to spend quality time together. Find something that you both like doing such as going for a walk or eating at a restaurant and make time to do those things together. You do not and should not spend every waking moment with each other. It’s unhealthy and will cause friction down the line.
