When sex isn’t enough

When sex isn’t enough

Maybe you start off thinking that you really just want a man in your life to have sex with from time to time and there is nothing wrong with that. We are sexual beings and to find someone to satisfy that need is great and more of us should just do that instead of being all hung up on having to find a long term relationship.

But for a lot of women, even if they think they just want to have a sex only relationship that can change after awhile and they realize that sex just isn’t enough. We as women can be happy with the odd fling from time to time, but for most of us, that usually isn’t really going to make us happy in the long run.

Many of us crave more intimacy and all the other things that can and should go along with the sexual encounters too. Sure a good romp is fun, but when it comes down to it, after the romp is over do we really want to just kick him out of bed (well sometimes we do) or do we want to go to sleep in each other arms and then get served breakfast in bed?

And in any relationship, the sex can dry up so if you are only in for that, then all of a sudden the relationship is dead and we are back where we started from. But if you have a lot of other things going on with your man and you have a lot of shared interests and you like hanging out together whether it’s to go hiking, jogging, to the movies or whatever, you can usually manage to ride the dry spells.

So even though we might think that sex is the end of to be all, when it comes right down to it, most of us at least a few times in our lives, want more that’s all there is to it. Having someone to come home to at the end of the day, to dump our troubles onto, to get support a back rub, or even have dinner made for us can just be like a god send when those days have beaten us down.

Having companionship and true friendship, along with great sex makes it all together a package that is hard to beat. And it also goes both ways. We are naturally nurturers so when we have someone that we can devote attention to, take care of, make dinner for, we can feel much more fulfilled as well.

But it has to be two sided – both people have to want the same things for the most part. And if you are in a relationship where all he wants is sex and you are finding yourself wanting more then it is time for a renegotiation.

And if he is firm on his stance and has been clear all along what he wants to get out of the relationship and you are just not happy anymore, then it’s probably time to break the ties and go look for someone else. There is no shame in that, you have just changed your wants and that is ok.

Keep yourself happy and then you will be able to keep others happier – that’s the best thing for everyone involved.

Charlotte Cremers
Latest posts by Charlotte Cremers (see all)

MS, University of Tartu
Sleep specialist

Using the acquired academic and professional experience, I advise patients with various complaints about mental health - depressed mood, nervousness, lack of energy and interest, sleep disorders, panic attacks, obsessive thoughts and anxieties, difficulty concentrating, and stress. In my free time, I love to paint and go on long walks on the beach. One of my latest obsessions is sudoku – a wonderful activity to calm an unease mind.

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