The thought of being tied up, helpless, vulnerable and not in control of a situation, can be a bit unsettling for anyone. Mention BDSM and media images projecting graphic images depicting an unwilling victim enduring pain and humiliation for the amusement of others while bound to furniture or some gravity defying device, gagged, blinded and unsure of their fate pops up.
It’s no wonder that the curious might be a bit leery and hesitant to discuss the topic because it suggests that there might be some underlying psychological issues looming. The reality is,most people that engage in BDSM are not into the hardcore version but rather sensual dominance or soft bondage, a more seductive restraint practice that is more about seduction, trust, and sensory and physical sensation. It’s meant to be soft, sensual, selfless and playful. It is also a great way to spice up a lackluster sex life.
The idea of being tied-up might provoke panic, especially with the stigma attached to it so it’s best to introduce your desires to your partner when both of you are sober, clear-headed and not during a a sexual session. The safety of both people is very important and trust is just as paramount as pleasure.If you are the one introducing the subject, explain why you want to experiment with bondage. Why does it appeal to you? What do you want out of it? Is it because you want to shake some salt on your life? Are you looking to release control or gain power in the bedroom?
If you are being approached with the idea, ask a lot of questions and voice any concerns. How far do you and your partner want to go? Is this a one sided deal or will you take turns being dominant and submissive? Do you want to be able to get away easily? How about a safe word? The more open you and your partner are, the more satisfied you will be with the end result. BDSM is not for everyone and if it’s not something you’re even remotely interested in, don’t be afraid to express your feelings.
If you’re hesitant but curious, you might want to ease into it by conducting research together, play sex-themed games, or visit an adult themed store to see what sort of soft bondage restraints and toys are available for your purposes. There are some fantastic beginner kits featuring soft restraints. Some kits highlight silk scarves for blind folding and restraining hands and feet or kits with plush faux fur covered wrist and ankle cuffs and a blindfold. If you’re feeling extremely adventurous, there are all-in-one kits that sit under or on top of a mattress to bind both the wrists and legs while offering easy release for the bound. Blindfolding might seem scary but depriving someone of one sense only intensifies the others, plus it’s a slow and effective build-up to foreplay that works sexual wonders mentally and physically. Variety is the spice of life.
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