Finding someone who is sexually compatible can be quite challenging. There are a lot of things to consider before you start even dating including likes and dislikes and whether you even like the same kinds of food or things to do. Are you both jocks, or do you like going to the theatre? Does he watch sports and are you a morning news person? You can spend a lifetime finding someone who is perfect for you and then when it comes down to it, you are not sexually compatible and the whole relationship goes out the window.
But many times you don’t even know that there is a sexual dysfunction until you have been in the relationship awhile. It can take time to figure each other out and by then sometimes it’s too late. Sometimes you can start off on the same wavelength on most things and then over time you find out that you really are not on the same page at all.
When it comes to sex, it is very important to find someone who is like minded. Sexually incompatibility can be a real deal breaker and I know I have broken off with guys because of the sex – either they were lousy or they didn’t want it the same number of times a week I do or whatever. But having a good healthy sex life is almost as important as all the rest of the areas within a relationship.
But what if you meet and hook up and everything is great. You get along, you love sex with each other, it’s going great, you’re having amazing orgasms and then bam … he starts hinting about doing some stuff in the bedroom that you are not so cool with.
It might start out slowly, hinting about a three some or asking you questions have you ever watched porn. And if you are game and the things he suggests are totally within your comfort zone, then that’s great! You can start experimenting and playing and it might open your relationship up to a whole new level.
But what if you are not comfortable with what he is suggesting? What if giving you a blowjob in his office is just not something that you are willing to do? What if going commando is your worst nightmare? Or the thought of doing anal just makes you want to get sick?
Whatever he is suggesting you have to be ok with that is the bottom line. You have to be able to stay within what is right for you and you have to be able to talk about it. Having said that, I have been talked into doing a few things that I totally was not sure of and had great reservations about, but when it came down to it they were great fun and I was glad that I gave it a shot.
Now some things I would not do over again, but at least I tried them. I think it’s important to have your own values but it’s also important to have an open mind and just go for it once in a while even if it’s stretching your comfort zone.
But if he is asking to try something new, that really is a good sign. At least he wants to experiment and not be satisfied with the same ole, same ole. So why not try something new – you might just like it.
Sleep specialist
Using the acquired academic and professional experience, I advise patients with various complaints about mental health - depressed mood, nervousness, lack of energy and interest, sleep disorders, panic attacks, obsessive thoughts and anxieties, difficulty concentrating, and stress. In my free time, I love to paint and go on long walks on the beach. One of my latest obsessions is sudoku – a wonderful activity to calm an unease mind.
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