When pro US basketball player Jason Collins came out as gay, the revelation caused a stir as he was the first African American player to be out while still active in the sport. In the aftermath, Collins’ ex wrote a slightly bitter piece for Cosmo about her difficulty dealing with Collins’ revelation. After it emerges that an ex-lover is gay, many women feel hurt and confused, and find themselves searching for signs they might have missed. Here are five signs which could indicate that your lover isn’t being entirely truthful with you (or himself) about his sexuality:
He often checks out men – This might be an obvious point, but it’s easy for furtive glances to go unnoticed. Even if he is giving other men desirous looks, it might also mean that he is bisexual. Next time there is an attractive man in the vicinity (or on the telly), casually ask your lover what he thinks of the man’s looks. An inordinately indignant response could mean that he has been caught off guard.
He repeatedly dodges long-term commitments – Although many men (and women) are afraid of commitment, if he repeatedly dodges any discussion of long-term plans such as marriage or children, it might mean more than doubts about your relationship or his desire to become a dad.
He has an unusually close male friend – While not all men who are unsure of their sexuality will automatically cheat on their girlfriends or spouses, some do. As with other signs, it can be hard to tell whether he simply has a solid ‘bromance’ or is having secret romantic liaisons. Frequent weekends away on ‘guys only’ trips could be signs of a close friendship, but they could also be signs of something more.
He is seldom keen for sex – Loss of interest in sex can mean many things – performance anxiety, mild depression, asexuality, or simply a waning sexual focus in your relationship. At the same time, it could mean that sex makes him feel guilt or discomfort by reminding him of the undisclosed side of his sexuality.
He puts off meeting your family – If you’ve been seeing someone romantically for a while and he repeatedly puts off meeting your family it might mean more than his simply being shy or nervous about making a good impression. He could be avoiding further entanglement or he might be worried that someone close to you will detect his uncertainties about his sexuality.
