When I first read an article about the idea of writing up and signing a ‘sex contract’ with your significant other, I must say that I wasn’t all that keen on the idea. The word ‘contract’ makes it sound like one or both of the people involved in the relationship will be forced into doing something which they would not usually do, or which is against their nature. Who would want to have such a thing on their shoulders when their life is already busy and full of demands?
After I read the article I did a bit of online research and chatted to some of my girlfriends to see what the wider opinion of sex contracts actually was, and what I found out has made me rethink my earlier scepticism. What if the sex contract was more of a way of ensuring that both parties get what they want in bed, while remaining open to their partner’s ideas? Surely this would lead to a much more satisfying and adventurous sex life!
Take a look below at my renewed understanding of what a sex contract is, and how to go about setting one up.
A sex contract should be an agreement within your relationship which you both invest time and intention into. It will help to make sure that both of you get what you want in bed, as you’ve both agreed to try your best to adhere to the other person’s needs and wishes, while ensuring that your own are met
A sex contract can be used if you do not feel comfortable talking about the details of sex and your desires with each other. Not everyone does, so don’t feel ashamed of this. Sex contracts take the pressure off as you can spend time putting your wants and needs into words before sharing them with your partner
Word your contract in a way that makes sure that the two of you get equal benefit from it. So, you would write ‘I’d like at least 10 minutes of foreplay’, and your partner would write ‘I’d like sex at least twice a week’ next to it, and so on
Your contract will only work if you both invest your time and effort into it, but promise each other that you won’t just use it as a weapon. This will only serve to decrease the amount of sex within your relationship
I’d suggest steering clear of sex contracts if you’ve just had a baby, or if you’ve been through an emotionally taxing period in your life. Other than that, give it a try!
MS, University of Latvia
I am deeply convinced that each patient needs a unique, individual approach. Therefore, I use different psychotherapy methods in my work. During my studies, I discovered an in-depth interest in people as a whole and the belief in the inseparability of mind and body, and the importance of emotional health in physical health. In my spare time, I enjoy reading (a big fan of thrillers) and going on hikes.
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