HOW YOU MIGHT BE ACCIDENTALLY GASLIGHTING YOUR PARTNER
Angry couple doing their accounts

HOW YOU MIGHT BE ACCIDENTALLY GASLIGHTING YOUR PARTNER

1. Is it possible to gaslight your partner without even meaning to/knowing it? Why is this so harmful to a relationship?

Definitely yes. The perpetrator feels in control and more powerful. A gaslighter may not self-reflect or settle their emotions. They may feel of low-self worth and find it overwhelming to handle. Generally, gaslighting causes an unhealthy relationship full of depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, and trauma between the victims.

2. Please list some subtler examples of gaslighting that someone might be guilty of (it could even be saying a specific type of phrase). For each example, explain why it can be considered gaslighting and what’s so destructive about it.

‘You are extremely sensitive’

Being told you are too sensitive is meant to invalidate and lower your emotions. Perhaps you express disappointment or hurt feelings, and a gaslighter says you are magnifying an issue out of nothing. This intends to fool you, not trust yourself. Once it happens, you possibly tolerate the abusive relationship and stay.

 ‘Your memory is terrible’

Gaslighters use this phrase to make you doubt yourself. You question yourself following several situations, leading to no trust in your assessments. Consequently, the gaslighter stays in full control.

3. If you suspect you may be accidentally gaslighting your partner, what can you do about it? How can you work on changing your behavior?

Admit that you are wrong

Start by acknowledging that gaslighting your partner is wrong. Then, seek therapy to realize why your best defense is to attack your partner maliciously. A therapist will help deal with your ego and urge to feel superior.

Take a break from the scene

When angry or frustrated, please avoid immediate reaction. Staying calm is good to handle the situation better. You can leave physically and handle the situation later. This helps refocus and get better words to address your partner and fix the issues more effectively.

Ieva Kubiliute
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Ieva Kubiliute is a psychologist and a sex and relationships advisor and a freelance writer. She's also a consultant to several health and wellness brands. While Ieva specialises in covering wellness topics ranging from fitness and nutrition, to mental wellbeing, sex and relationships and health conditions, she has written across a diverse range of lifestyle topics, including beauty and travel. Career highlights so far include: luxury spa-hopping in Spain and joining an £18k-a-year London gym. Someone’s got to do it! When she’s not typing away at her desk—or interviewing experts and case studies, Ieva winds down with yoga, a good movie and great skincare (affordable of course, there’s little she doesn’t know about budget beauty). Things that bring her endless joy: digital detoxes, oat milk lattes and long country walks (and sometimes jogs).

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